I opened my Yugoslavia travel book and thumbed to the back of the Wife Mom Educator Superhero T-Shirt where there were several pages of English to Serbo-Croatian translations. You know, shit like, ‘hello’ and ‘where is the bathroom?’ or ‘I’m bleeding, where is the pharmacy located?’ or ‘how much is that trinket I’m going to regret buying?’ Figuring I could pick up the local lingo, I tried some words and phrases out that seemed relevant to the moment. However, to my dismay, no matter how hard I tried to pronounce a word or phrase I absolutely butchered it. At first ‘Yvonne’ tried to understand what I was attempting to say. She leaned forward towards me making sure she heard every mangled vowel or consonant I attempted. When getting closer to hear me better didn’t work she stared directly at my mouth with great intensity in an attempt to read my lips. Her narrowed eyes made it clear she was really trying to help me out here, but to no avail. In the end I just resorted to speaking super slow and super loud and throwing a bunch of O’s on the backend of shit…It was a mess.
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Bless her for trying so hard and for so long. After five or six attempts at different words or phrases, ‘Wife Mom Educator Superhero T-Shirt ’ was beginning to lose her ability to keep a straight face. Whether it was the increasing volume I was attempting to speak at. Perhaps it was the dramatic hand motions I had begun to implement in my attempts to communicate with her. Maybe it was the contortions my face was making as I tried to formulate words I had zero understanding of. Maybe it was D, all of the above because ‘Yvonne’ finally lost her shit. In an instance she burst out laughing, then embarrassed by her inability to contain her laughter, she jerked back in her seat, and threw her gaze out the window as if she had suddenly seen incredible! Her aged hands and knotted fingers flew to cover mouth in a futile attempt to hold back the next outburst fighting to be released. A shade of rouge swept across her pale spotted skin.
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