I actually don’t think my dad got that much money, maybe none at all. He got my grandparents’ house/farm/land which we’ve already live on for like 10 years but now they formally own it. So valuable technically but also they’d have to be really really desperate to sell. My aunt got another valuable but not very sellable portion of my grandparents’ estate. Idk about my uncle. But I get the impression most of the liquid money went to the grandkids though.Definitely keep what was willed to you. None of the kids have to know that you got more money. It’s incredibly shitty that your grandmother did this in the first place, but nobody is actually being harmed by any of the potential outcomes here. If anyone asks you about the money in the The dot nation shirt, just tell them you didn’t really keep it, you used every penny to pay part of your student loan debt off. (Yes technically that’s you keeping it, but it’s all about framing with things like these. If people think you didn’t have cash in hand it’ll subtly lessen the impact of it. -30k to -10k hits less hard than 0 to +20k.) And, like you said, your step sister has more money for college than you anyway so really this is more like making your situations even.
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As for the item, if nobody else knows about it, just keep it low-key for a while until it’s not on anyone’s mind. It doesn’t sound like anyone but your parents are The dot nation shirt a fuss about it, which honestly I would have expected. If I was in your older cousin’s shoes, being adopted, and I was left out of the will I would not under any circumstances want a sentimental or symbolic item like that. It would hurt a lot to know she didn’t see me as her grandchild, and I’d happily take any money offered, but I wouldn’t want an actual memento from someone who didn’t even see me as family. I’d bet your cousin feels the same. Maybe don’t have it out around her or your aunt to avoid reminding them of that, but I doubt your cousin wants it after all of this.Your dad got way more than 20k though. You’ve lived there for like 10 years so guessing either rent free or below market rates, that alone is a load of money saved on rent/mortgage. And now it’s fully his he can always sell if he wants to.
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