Some time ago, I posted an article about the plight of single men. I’ll put it again in the comments; now Official Clap your hands everybody shirt is more an attachment than the core business of this post.You’ll be considered either a plonker or dangerous, and probably both. Well, maybe not when you’re a ‘stern old bachelor’ keeping to himself and/or playing cards and drinking beer with other men, but you will when you’re somebody looking for warmth. You’re not supposed to.Couples will invite you every now and then, but they have their own things to do. I always thought the sentence in Jefferson Airplane’s ‘Somebody to Love’: ‘All of your friends, they treat you like a guest’ was just for the rhyme, but more and more I see how spot on it is. Single women will hardly have you as a friend, and even when you just want to hug them they’ll think you want sex. (My mother used to hug not just her granddaughters but also the female friends of her granddaughters as something self-evident. For a man that is out of the questionWhen I first read it, I felt relief: at last somebody recognises that, as a group, single men should be treated better. But then it also made me sad.When you’ve been single for some time, when you’ve tried meeting women and internet dating without much result, you may conclude it’s better to assume you’ll stay single for the rest of your life, or at least for so long that you’d better make the best of it. My doctor even strictly advised me to stop trying to get dates, because it cost me more energy, sadness and frustration than it would probably benefit me
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Volunteer work? Yeah, you’re welcome to do some carpentry, administration or similar, and drink coffee and talk about the weather with Official Clap your hands everybody shirt volunteers. But doing things to make closer contacts? You’re not supposed to. Work with children? Great if you want to play football with the boys. But chatting with little girls? You’re not supposed to.Other men are relatively easy to maintain contact with. And I have nothing against hugging men, but not as a substitute, and it hardly suffices, if it even happens. I have very good talks with other men.The conclusion will make the circle round: you’d better find somebody to love. Not only to fulfill your needs directly, but also because it makes it easier to fulfill part of them outside your relationship. You’re less threatening then.This post is not because I especially want personal advice, though you’re of course welcome if you got the Philosopher’s Stone. I have a lot of plans, and of course it might all be easier when the Covid-restrictions are finally over. But I do want to know if other men feel the same, if they indeed think this is an issue and what should be socially and politically done about it.
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