If this is how you really feel than I would split it with your sister. I understand that Reddit will tell you that you don’t owe anyone anything, but this is really fucked up of your Grandmother and of your sister finds out she will feel pretty awful that your Grandma clearly didn’t give a damn about her. Your grandma was the asshole here but you can decide to set it rightI agree. Especially because your sister will probably realize it was racist too. (The most glaring evidence of that is excluding the adopted kids because what???). Like you’re NTA if you decide not to, but it would be a nice thing to do that she’d (probably) appreciate if she ever found out. Do you think she’d do the Lula 2022 Brazil shirt for you?
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So you need to ask yourself – knowing that you’d be receiving this amount because your grandmother is Lula 2022 Brazil shirt , can you live with what accepting this would say about your values? Would you be okay with the knowledge that you’re happy to benefit from someone else’s racist decisions?Would you be keeping the money for racist reasons? No. You would be keeping it because it was given to you. It is YOUR inheritance. You are under no moral or legal obligation to give away half of it. You have described a situation in which your not-even-step-siblings have more money than you will have even with your inheritance. Taking from yourself to give to someone WHO DOESN’T NEED IT whereas you need it to pay off student loans makes no sense. Give yourself a break.Alright, just an idea. You don’t need to split the money equally, or even leave aside the money for a moment. Why don’t you give your sister the family heirloom that goes to the oldest grandkid? I think that will definitely be a gesture. As for the cash, talk to your family. It’s your decision at the end of the day but look at all sides of the story before coming to itThe audacity of not treating adopted children as ‘family’ aside, I absolutely see the point in not including step-children. They have two bio-parents who presumably have their own extended family that can choose to offer support/value. You don’t. Prioritizing grandchildren who do not have other grandparents makes sense, especially since it sounds she willed more than enough to each of her children to choose to support their step-children however they see fit.Just decline gracefully, “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Step-sister has two other sets of grandparents from both her bio parents side that have chosen to help her. I don’t have that and this money will put a massive dent in my overall student loans, giving me a huge step forward. I love step-sister deeply but don’t light yourself on fire to keep others warm and all that.”As for the sentimental items (ring or dress, I’m guessing), I would suggest just approaching that conversation with your step-sister directly. She may very well not want that item.But also be direct with your parents, “What you’re asking for is a little unfair, don’t you think? You’re asking me to make things fair at my exclusive and direct expense. Step-siblings have additional money and financing from their other bio parent so it’s already unbalanced. You want me to give up 10k to make it even more unbalanced? Doesn’t that seem like a somewhat cruel ask?”
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